i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
