Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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