i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
