Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We talked him into tasing himself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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