i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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