I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
