Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is it penis luge time yet?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
