found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
