Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
