College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize