one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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