Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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