It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
