North Korea, Best Korea!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
