my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
