Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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