I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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