After last night, I could never be a politician.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
