ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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