My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
