you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
