By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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