I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
