Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
