does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
