its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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