You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Randomize
