you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
