Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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