When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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