My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
