he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
