lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
