Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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