just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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