Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
