Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
