He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
