My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
