what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
