remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
