Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
