Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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