I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
