the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
