You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
