my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
