I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
