I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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