then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why is your signature on my underwear?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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