yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
