Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
