If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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