I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
